The Undead, Snakes and Shamrocks: The Tale of Saint Patrick

Saint Patrick may have been a brutal force in conversions.

Born to a Roman or British family, Patrick was abducted and sent to be a slave in Ireland at age 16. As he toiled, he deepened his faith in Christianity. Eventually, he left Ireland only to return on a religious mission. Patrick set out to convert the Irish. According to legend, he used the shamrock to teach about the holy trinity, with one stem tying together 3 parts, just like God is represented by the father, the son, and the Holy Spirit. He wasn't the only Christian to use visuals, in Western America in the 1800s, Catholic missionaries would use the Catholic Ladder to teach Native Americans about the religion. It was effective in both instances. 

Saint Patrick used the shamrock to explain the Holy Trinity.

The use of the shamrock can be considered his first miracle. Apparently he also rose 33 people from the dead. Reportedly, some had been dead for a considerable amount of time. Apparently once undead, they would testify to the existence of heaven and hell, or that Patrick wasn't stealing from people. According to the legend, one group tried to trick Patrick to raise their living friend from the dead. Patrick knew what they were up to, and "prayed" for the person, who ended up dead for real. Miracle 2 accomplished. 

Saint Patrick rose 33 people from the dead.

In order to achieve sainthood, one needs to perform 3 miracles. The third one is the one that most people are aware of. St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. Since there weren't any snakes in Ireland, who or what did he "drive to the sea?" His third miracle was that he beat the snakes, or in this case the Pagans/Druids and kicked them to the sea so they could sleep with the fishes. If you don't like those miracles, he is also attributed to turning himself and 20 companions into deer to protect them from the Pagans, that is before he drove the snakes out of Ireland. Another way to drive out the "snakes" from Ireland is to set a huge fire on a Druid festival site that they believed would engulf the entire Island. It is almost like he carried a grudge for... it was probably for that whole slavery thing. 

Saint Patrick set a large fire on a Druid Festival Site.

If you don't care for venison, what about bacon? One thing St. Patrick actually wrote about himself, and not centuries later by the creators of his legend, was that he was with a group traveling through the wilderness for 28 days, and when provoked, he prayed for food and a herd of pigs appeared. Another part of his lore is that at the beginning of a long rant, St. Patrick stuck his walking stick into the ground. His speech went on for so long that it grew roots and turned into a real tree before he finished. 

This may be discouraged in the church today, but to recap his miracles, he found a thing with 3 parts and used it to explain dogma, he brought about a zombie mob, and genocide. That is probably why after having a few Guinness, the only thing people attribute to St. Patrick is the shamrock and naughty pinching; trees, fire, pigs and deer not withstanding. 

Saint Patrick turned himself and others into deer to escape the Druids.

The most plausible story about St. Patrick was when he entered a bar and ordered a whiskey. The bartended did not fill his glass and he complained until he got a full glass. That seems the most likely. 

Saint Patrick was outraged and felt cheated until getting a full glass whiskey.