Barbeque Anyone?

The Cow

Part of being institutionalized is having that voice in your head get real used to being captive in an institution, so much so that it needs it to continue in that setting (refer to Shawshank Redemption). It is this voice that I find so interesting. This internal monologue which allows one to carry on with themselves, can provide us with a powerful tool that can curb behavior, improve learning and focus, or whither away. Some call this voice a conscience, but it is more than that. It is the voice you can train like a muscle. For example, good readers ask themselves certain questions like: “What is going to happen next? Do I identify with this character? What would I have done differently? Why is that important for the story?” For the people that struggle with their reading, they ask questions like “Am I paying attention? How much longer do I have to read? It can be evident when people have an underdeveloped internal monologue.

One of my students, who lived in Metropolis, provided an excellent example of this weaker internal monologue. One day, he got the idea that he wanted to set fire to a cow. With the exception of the statue of a bull on Wall Street, there are no cows in the City. In order to achieve his goal, he was going to have to venture out of the city. This was before the internet, so he had to research possible destinations where there was a bus stop, cattle, and a gas station in close proximity. He also needed to come up with a way to have the money for the bus ticket as well as the gasoline without a go fund me page. His trip took about 4 hours each way. Once he arrived upstate, he went to the nearby gas station. He purchased a gas can, and gasoline before heading over to the livestock. He doused a bovine with the petrol, I am guessing he waited a while, then returned to the city by taking another bus ride.

At no point during his research, fundraising, the trip itself, his purchasing of said items, or in the act of setting the cow ablaze did he ever get the sense that what he was doing was horribly wrong. I know what you are asking, did he get caught for such an egregious act? He did get caught. Apparently he never anticipated that it would be easy to identify him as the culprit, even though he would have to take a 4 hour bus ride with other people while he smelled of gasoline and burnt cow. Ironically, this student wanted to be a preacher when he grew up. I knew this because he included that sentiment in a letter he wrote to me. I would think a preacher would be a profession that would require a strong internal monologue, so maybe this was not his ideal career path. As a side note, his letter was an apology for biting me, so I do not know how much growth he would need to do to be considered a moral leader. As an aside, the letter was written in crayon because he was not allowed to use pens or pencils, or any other sharp objects, at the time of his correspondence.

Practice good habits with your internal monologue and you can do things without thinking about them after a few weeks.